"You Don't Understand."

Anyone who is or claims to be depressed will say "You don't understand." As ridiculous as they may sound. It's really how they feel. Trust me.

I feel...I hate myself. I hate how manipulative and clingy and outspoken I am. I feel like such an ugly person. Such a waste of flesh. I feel like a pest when I text or talk to anyone. I try to do nice things for the ones I love but it must not be enough. How can you mean so little to the ones who mean the most to you? I saw goodbye to my friends so often. What makes these friends and this boyfriend so special? Or more likey, what makes me think I'm so special to them?

I have been happy. I have felt good about myself. But it's rare. I just can't find anything about myself worth loving all the time. My "good" features are the ones that get me into the situations that get me hurt. I am trying. Trying to find something happy and stable to help me achieve a better attitude.

Here's hoping I find it soon.